It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
