dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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