so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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