He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
