We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
