I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
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The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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