Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
