it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
