dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
