In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
