i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
