Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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