YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
