my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
