Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
