When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
