On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize