I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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