I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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