you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize