Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
