turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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