So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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