I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
