i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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