next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
