That's intense
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
