so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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