I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
