Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
