I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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