So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he was CRYING into my vagina
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
