I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
