this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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