I cannot find my penis.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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