this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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