How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
