That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
