Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
