im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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