i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
