please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
