It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can't special order awesome
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
