u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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