I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
