Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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