He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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