found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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