like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
