There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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