That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
