he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Boobs speak an international language.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
