i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
