i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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