its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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