C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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