God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We left the knife in your bed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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