my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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