yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
