she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Randomize
